As we all know from my trip to Costco yesterday, the place is crazy and tedious. The reputation of both their pizzas and their hotdogs was desperate for validation, so, when I got the pizza yesterday, I grabbed a hotdog too. I ate the pizza yesterday but saved the hotdog for today.
正如我昨天去 Costco 的经历所知道的那样，这个地方疯狂而乏味。他们的披萨和热狗的声誉都迫切需要验证，所以，当我昨天拿到披萨时，我也抓了一个热狗。我昨天吃了披萨，但今天才吃热狗。
The car ride home from Costco, however, the smell of the hotdog was very intense. It made me want to try it, but I fought the urge and tucked into a nice Caesar salad instead.
然而，从好市多开车回家的路上，热狗的味道很浓。这让我想尝试一下，但我抑制住了这种冲动，吃了一份美味的凯撒沙拉。
Today, however, I knew what I was going to have for lunch before I'd even had breakfast! I was going to have a Costco hotdog.
然而今天，我什至在吃早餐之前就知道午餐要吃什么了！我本来打算去 Costco 吃热狗。
Now, I know, unlike the pizzas, that they sell the exact hotdogs they use in the store for you to buy and take home and cook yourself. I didn't buy any yesterday because I hadn't yet had the hotdog and wasn't ready to commit to a whole case of them.
现在，我知道，与披萨不同，他们出售的热狗与店里使用的热狗一模一样，供您购买并带回家自己做饭。昨天我没有买，因为我还没有吃热狗，也不准备吃一整箱。
But, for lunch, I took the hotdog off the bun and microwaved it for a minute. The smell was intense and delicious! The bun was still cold from the refrigerator and I didn't warm it at all. I smeared it with some spicy mustard and put the hotdog back into it.
但是，午餐时，我把热狗从面包上取下来，用微波炉加热了一分钟。味道浓郁可口！冰箱里的面包还是冷的，我根本没有加热它。我在上面涂了一些辣芥末，然后把热狗放回了里面。
Now, in the store, they don't have "spicy" mustard. They have several condiments you can choose, including the yellow mustard of old. They have a darker mustard that they just call "deli" mustard, which is probably like a Gulden's spicy brown or something like that. I didn't try it so I'm not sure. I think a spicy mustard is the right way to go. God help you if you are one of those people who puts ketchup on their hotdog!
现在，在商店里，他们没有“辣”芥末了。他们有多种调味品可供选择，包括老牌的黄芥末。他们有一种深色芥末，他们称之为“熟食”芥末，可能类似于 Gulden 的辣棕色或类似的东西。我没有尝试过所以我不确定。我认为辣芥末是正确的选择。如果您是那些在热狗上涂番茄酱的人之一，上帝会帮助您！
Having had the hotdog I can say that what it would really like is some sauerkraut! The hotdog has a strong flavor and slightly spicy aroma, the kind of thing that a good kraut would cut into nicely.
吃完热狗我可以说它真正想要的是一些酸菜！热狗味道浓郁，略带辛辣香气，是好泡菜切起来很好吃的东西。
I didn't have any, sadly.
我没有，很遗憾。
What I did have, however, was a craving for that tomato & bleu cheese snack I created the other day. I sliced a tomato into three discs and sprinkled it liberally with bleu cheese. Unlike the other day, however, I didn't put any mayo on it. This time I gave it a thick drizzle of balsamic vinegar reduction. That sharpness really worked well against the flavor of the hotdog.
然而，我确实很想吃我前几天做的番茄和蓝奶酪小吃。我把番茄切成三片，然后撒上蓝纹奶酪。然而，与前几天不同的是，我没有在上面放任何蛋黄酱。这次我给它淋了一层厚厚的香醋还原液。这种锐度确实与热狗的味道相得益彰。
I suppose you could just put tomato, bleu cheese and balsamic reduction ON the hotdog, but I didn't try that. I don't like to adulterate my dogs too much.
我想你可以在热狗上放番茄、蓝纹奶酪和香脂，但我没有尝试。我不喜欢对我的狗进行过多的掺假。
The hotdog does live up to the hype. Next time I get to Costco, along with a whole pizza from the cafe, I will be bringing home a box of the dogs. I will portion them both up and freeze them for when the craving strikes but the hike to Costco doesn't...
热狗确实不负众望。下次我去好市多时，我会带一盒狗回家，连同咖啡馆的一整块披萨。我会把它们分成两份，冷冻起来，以备想吃的时候吃，但去好市多的徒步旅行却不会……
Oh, you should have been there... < absolutefutility > 2026-08-13 07:55
哦，你应该在那里... <absolutefutility> 2026-08-13 07:55
Let me see if I can paint this picture for you...
让我看看我是否可以为你画这幅画......
It was WEDNESDAY...and the place is packed like its a Black Friday doorbuster sale. People are abandoning carts in the middle of the aisle to run to the side to stare at a box of frozen bbq ribs, and then reading that rib box like its a Dead Sea Scroll.
那是星期三……这个地方挤满了人，就像黑色星期五的大促销一样。人们把手推车扔在过道中间，跑到一边盯着一盒冷冻烧烤排骨，然后像阅读死海古卷一样阅读那盒排骨。
People are wandering around like they've never seen the inside of a store before.
人们四处闲逛，就像他们以前从未见过商店的内部一样。
We get to the cafe and decide to try the hotdog and pizza, so we wait six people deep in line to use a kiosk to pay for the two items. Only, here's the problem, when you go to pay, the only currency it will accept is Costco Wallet. There's no signage for this. You get to the end and that's it...hand over your Costco wallet or else!
我们到达咖啡馆，决定尝试一下热狗和披萨，所以我们等了六个人，在售货亭支付了这两样东西的费用。只是，问题是，当你去付款时，它唯一接受的货币是 Costco 钱包。没有任何标志。你到了最后，就是这样……交出你的 Costco 钱包，否则！
We have to abandon the kiosk and sneak into the one next to us before the people behind us get mad and think we're cutting in line.
我们必须放弃售货亭，潜入我们旁边的售货亭，以免后面的人生气并认为我们插队。
The items paid for, they print out our claim ticket and what's our number? 404... The foreshadowing is hilarious...
支付的物品，他们打印出我们的索赔单，我们的电话号码是多少？ 404……伏笔太搞笑了……
So, back into a new line, waiting with fifty other people who also have no concept of personal space and think that "Imma stand right here!" makes them somehow get their food faster.
所以，回到新的队列，和其他五十个人一起等待，他们也没有个人空间的概念，并认为“我就站在这里！”让他们以某种方式更快地获得食物。
And now...the guy dressed head to toe in SS NAZI roleplay vintage costume pushes to the front of the counter because he doesn't think anyone else is there to get food, its just him and his enormous mental illness. And his costume is painful to look at - not because he's dressed as a NAZI, but because he's spray painted his jackboots in black and they're blistered and flaky like he's wearing two Hefty trash bags on his feet.
现在……那个从头到脚穿着党卫军纳粹角色扮演复古服装的家伙推到柜台前面，因为他认为没有其他人在那里拿食物，只有他和他巨大的精神疾病。他的服装看起来很痛苦——不是因为他穿得像纳粹，而是因为他把长筒靴喷成黑色，靴子上起泡、剥落，就像他脚上穿着两个 Hefty 垃圾袋一样。
He doesn't get his food any faster... He keeps interrupting the two guys behind the counter and pointing at his ticket like he thinks they've forgotten how their job works. The guy behind the counter gives him the: "we're not even working on that yet," face and the NAZI stamps his foot sending flakes of black spray paint all over the floor.
他拿食物的速度并没有更快……他不断打断柜台后面的两个人，指着他的票，好像他认为他们已经忘记了自己的工作是如何进行的。柜台后面的人给了他一张脸：“我们还没开始做这个”，纳粹跺脚，黑色喷漆片洒满了地板。
At this point, the show was interrupted by the most beautiful blond boy I've ever seen, sprinting and laughing as he jogged through the throngs of people with the most perfect butt I've seen! He'd sprint through that area three times before I left.
就在这时，表演被我见过的最美丽的金发男孩打断了，他带着我见过的最完美的屁股在人群中小跑着，笑着慢跑！在我离开之前，他会冲刺穿过那个区域三遍。
The counter is pushing out orders at a good clip, calling out numbers that are not in any kind of order. 399 comes out before 390, 401 comes out before 391. Every out-of-order announcement makes people check their tickets thinking they'd missed their number. A line starts forming of people who think their order has been lost and this slows the counter even more as they have to explain that orders aren't meant to come out sequentially but no one shopping at Costco knows what "sequential" means.
柜台正在以良好的速度推出订单，喊出不按任何顺序排列的数字。 399 在 390 之前出现，401 在 391 之前出现。每一个无序的通知都会让人们检查他们的票，以为他们错过了他们的号码。人们开始排起长队，认为自己的订单丢失了，这进一步减慢了柜台速度，因为他们必须解释订单并不是按顺序发出的，但在 Costco 购物的人都不知道“顺序”是什么意思。
The NAZI finally gets his food and squeaks over to the condiment counter. Blond butt guy zips through laughing...
纳粹终于拿到了食物，吱吱地走到调味品柜台前。金发碧眼的家伙笑得飞快……
401, 399, 402, 377, 406, 388...the numbers keep coming but now all the pizza is gone and we're waiting for a fresh one to come out of the oven. The hotdogs are waiting, they're making a whole bunch of chicken logs that no one seems to want.
401、399、402、377、406、388……数字不断增加，但现在所有的披萨都吃完了，我们正在等待新鲜的披萨从烤箱里出来。热狗正在等待，他们正在制作一大堆似乎没有人想要的鸡肉原木。
410, 392, 403, 389...there's a pile-up at the soda fountain that is backing up people into the line by the kiosk and everything stops. There's literally no more room for anyone in the cafe.
410、392、403、389……冷饮柜前发生了拥堵，导致人们在售票亭旁排队，然后一切都停止了。咖啡馆里实际上已经没有足够的空间容纳任何人了。
This clot doesn't move for several minutes and people are getting nervous that it means they'll never get their food...ever...
这个凝块在几分钟内都不会移动，人们变得紧张，这意味着他们永远不会得到食物......永远......
The flow starts moving again; people getting their drinks, loading up their condiments, draining the napkin dispenser dry.
水流再次开始流动；人们拿饮料，装调味品，把餐巾纸分配器里的水排干。
404! Finally! We make our way to the counter for the hot dog and the slice of pepperoni. Where are the cups? Where are the cups for the soda? Now I have to get his attention: "where do I get the cups?" And, like the mouth breather he was: "you have to pay for these!" he pants. I hold up the receipt...he looks at it with gaping mouth. "Oh, you did..." Then he hands me the cups.
第404章最后！我们走向柜台购买热狗和意大利辣香肠。杯子在哪里？装苏打水的杯子在哪里？现在我必须引起他的注意：“我在哪里可以得到杯子？”而且，就像他用嘴呼吸一样：“你必须为这些付出代价！”他喘着粗气。我举起收据……他张大嘴看着它。 “哦，你做了……”然后他把杯子递给我。
Out from the counter line and into the queue for the drinks. I find a table to stand at because the line for the exit is forty people deep.
从柜台排队出来，进入饮料队列。我找到一张桌子站着，因为出口处的队伍已经有四十人了。
Then I try the famous pizza. Delicious! Totally worth the wait! I take another bite, I'm shocked that it is so good! The cheese is a mozzarella and provolone blend, just like they use in New Jersey. The crust holds the fold just like its supposed to. The pepperonis are lightly charred and perfectly cupped. The sauce is tart and not sweet like most places make it.
然后我尝试了著名的披萨。可口的！完全值得等待！我又咬了一口，惊呆了，原来这么好吃！奶酪是马苏里拉奶酪和波伏洛干酪的混合物，就像他们在新泽西州使用的那样。地壳像它应该的那样保持着褶皱。意大利辣香肠轻微烧焦，杯状完美。酱汁是酸的，不像大多数地方做的那样甜。
I enjoy the pizza and diet coke with my friend before we join the exit line.
在我们加入出口队伍之前，我和朋友一起享用了披萨和健怡可乐。
It takes five minutes to reach the door where they're checking receipts. My friend hands the man her receipt so she can be checked out and he freezes. She's handed him the receipt for the hot dog and the pizza instead of her purchases. She doesn't know where she put the other receipt. We wait...
需要五分钟才能到达他们检查收据的门口。我的朋友把收据交给了那个男人，这样她就可以结帐了，他愣住了。她递给他的是热狗和披萨的收据，而不是她购物的收据。她不知道另一张收据放在哪里了。我们等待...
She finds it...its been in her hand the whole time... The guy swipes his highlighter across the receipt without checking anything in the cart. I go next, same thing, he leans in too close and says: "have a nice day", which I refuse.
她发现它……它一直在她手里……那家伙用荧光笔在收据上划过，没有检查购物车中的任何东西。我接着走，同样的事情，他靠得太近并说：“祝你有美好的一天”，我拒绝了。
Costco has a road right outside the front door. The designer must have thought this was necessary so people could drive up out front and pick up their large purchases like TVs and refrigerators. In practice, however, this is Death Race 2000 and people barrel through at 30 miles an hour looking everywhere but right in front of their car. We wait for two cars to go racing through as they somehow think they're going to get a parking spot closer to Costco than anyone else and "win" at parking.
Costco 前门外就有一条路。设计师一定认为这是必要的，这样人们就可以开车到前面去取电视和冰箱等大件物品。然而，实际上，这是《Death Race 2000》，人们以每小时 30 英里的速度疾驰而过，四处张望，但就在他们的车前面。我们等待着两辆车竞速通过，因为他们不知何故认为他们会比其他人更靠近 Costco 找到一个停车位，并在停车时“获胜”。
And how much would you have paid for this performance? Good news! Its free...you just have to go to Costco...
你愿意为这次演出付多少钱？好消息！免费的。。。你去Costco就可以了。。。