My daughter cut me out of her life years ago

My daughter cut me out of her life years ago. She just turned 21. One thing I said to her that she'll never forget was “I should just sign my custody of you to your mom fully”. I said that out of heartache, because I already had almost no time together with her. And in my opinion I had already missed out on years of her growing up. I said it because I was hurting, losing my little girl, and everything else in my life was falling apart due to a drug addiction. My daughter sees it as if I chose drugs over her. I've been clean and sober for 4+ years, yet she still wants nothing to do with me.

我女儿几年前把我从她生活中除名了。她才刚满21岁。我对她说过一句话，她永远忘不了：“我应该把我的抚养权完全转给你妈妈。”我说这话是因为心痛，因为我几乎已经没时间陪她了。而且在我看来，我已经错过了她成长的许多年。我说这话是因为我很痛苦，失去了我的小女儿，而且由于毒瘾，我生活中的其他一切也在分崩离析。但我女儿认为我选择了毒品而不是她。我已经戒酒戒毒四年多了，但她还是完全不想理我。

Sometimes I imaging us reuniting and I'm old and gray. Then I wonder if we'll ever even speak again before I die.

有时我会幻想我们重逢的场景，那时我已经年老发灰。然后我会想，在我死之前，我们是否还能再说上话。

I too cut my father out of my life for years over a false belief I had of him. It took me until I was 38 to forgive my father, later realizing it wasn't his fault, what I held him accountable for.

我也曾因为对一个错误的误解，把我父亲从生活中排除多年。直到38岁我才原谅了我父亲，后来意识到那件事并不是他的错，我不该为此让他负责。

And so her I am, 47 now…. And I'm in the same circumstance with my daughter that I was in with my father.

所以，我现在47岁了……我和我女儿的关系，就像当年我和父亲的关系一样。

I suppose I deserve to be in the boat I'm in 😔

我想，我大概活该处在这种境地吧 😔

remember her birthday and Christmas with cards and gift cards.; then next year add a note to what you have been up to; thwen tell her about your father.

记得在她生日和圣诞节时寄卡片和礼品卡；第二年加上一段关于你近况的留言；然后跟她讲讲你父亲的事。

entirely is stupid and counter-productive.

完全愚蠢且适得其反。

This Christmas - in fact, December 1 - send your daughter a nice Christmas card with a SHORT note. Say that you're thinking of her at the holidays, especially now that she's officially an adult, that you're grieved not only at your estrangement, but that she's echoing the sad pattern of your own, and that since you've put drugs behind you, you hope that maybe at some point she might want to talk.

今年圣诞节——其实12月1号就行——给你女儿寄张漂亮的圣诞卡，附上一段简短的留言。就说你在节假日想起了她，特别是她现在正式成年了；表达你不仅因疏远而感到难过，还因她复制了你自身那段可悲的模式而痛心；并说明既然你已经戒除了毒瘾，希望也许将来某个时刻她愿意和你聊聊。

You might also cross-post this in the Parenting forum.

你也可以把这个帖子同步发到育儿论坛。

Good luck.

祝你好运。